long have i felt so burdened , at last i let go.
its been a very enlightening experience.
one feels so light and that the plans made about the future look so abysmally small.
one truly feels relieved.
and no i was not listening to Nirvana or doing dope.
officially the matters of the heart tend preoccupy the Quark's mind and
thence his flowing poetry for a niche audience.
so for the time being he is finding new preoccupation called profession. which he damn well loves.
doing the surgery being a warm surgeon in a cold room has become his new found obsession.
coming to that, few people have asked how one lets go of such baggage which tears your heart in two and vanishes for posterity. That my friends is the outlook i have in life.
a rolling stone gathers no moss, who the heck wants moss? ( both the natural and the model kind!!!) i want gold
i want closure, for all plans and ideas that i get ( idont care if its in the negative, but closure is sure heartening).
of all the questions i have hitherto asked , one has been resoundingly answered.
that the Quark can let go and be independent and HOW??!!.. much to the quagmire of the innocent bystanders and physicists.
there are matters of the heart too delicate to handle so throw them out of the window and start afresh...
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
SUrgeooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOn!!!!!!!!!!!
oooooooooooooh yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaah baby !!
do i like that word? yesssssss.
do i sound foolishly happy ? yesssssssssssss.
what have i done? i ve poked around 13 peoples eyes and gotten away with it, 5 of them even thanked me.
but the rewards arent in the gratitude.. the rewards are reaped much earlier.. as the surgery proceeds and some unexpected turn makes us stop and wonder.. as if playing chess with nature, we marvel at its ingenuity and then slowly make our way around the situation that stopped us in the first place. juggling with micro tools and micrometers between success and failure.. its an adrenaline junkie's heaven.
it makes us boys, Men.
looking forward to each weeks new adventures..
yours always,
Quark
do i like that word? yesssssss.
do i sound foolishly happy ? yesssssssssssss.
what have i done? i ve poked around 13 peoples eyes and gotten away with it, 5 of them even thanked me.
but the rewards arent in the gratitude.. the rewards are reaped much earlier.. as the surgery proceeds and some unexpected turn makes us stop and wonder.. as if playing chess with nature, we marvel at its ingenuity and then slowly make our way around the situation that stopped us in the first place. juggling with micro tools and micrometers between success and failure.. its an adrenaline junkie's heaven.
it makes us boys, Men.
looking forward to each weeks new adventures..
yours always,
Quark
Sunday, October 19, 2008
one evening in the rain.. there was love, then there was pain
as i stand on the misty downs, my feet hurting the grass, fresh pearls of dew break at my feet. the cold breeze engulfs me in new found loneliness . my ears strainfor your footfall. all there is, is a sinewy howl in my ears. all off a sudden, you come hurtling down finding me again after being momentarily separated in the mist. A tear drop is hurled aside as you pummel into me. your hands burning deep into me. your face hot and flushed with emotion. i feel your heart race.. probably with fear or with the relief of finding me.
it starts raining.
i stand stunned. at the transformation that you have undergone. locks plastered to your forehead. the raindrops slither down your face in small rivulets. and your eyes opening wide. a smile dances on your face. i know its the rain that makes us crazy. Huddling in the freezing downpour, i feel this strange fire in us, walking down hand in hand from that beautiful landscape into your own mind scape.
later...
i find myself staring at you sleeping, as u stir and half knowing smile and doze off your hands firmly grasping mine into your chest. i look outside and the panes are awash with renewed zest by the falling drops from heaven. some even seem to stand still as they steal a peek at us lit by lightning . i drift away to sleep knowing in the darkness i have seen colors indescribable in the blackness outside and felt things in the cold emptiness that complete me.
in your sleepy smile
in your wild racing heart,
in tears of rain,
in you
i KNOW
I AM.......
it starts raining.
i stand stunned. at the transformation that you have undergone. locks plastered to your forehead. the raindrops slither down your face in small rivulets. and your eyes opening wide. a smile dances on your face. i know its the rain that makes us crazy. Huddling in the freezing downpour, i feel this strange fire in us, walking down hand in hand from that beautiful landscape into your own mind scape.
later...
i find myself staring at you sleeping, as u stir and half knowing smile and doze off your hands firmly grasping mine into your chest. i look outside and the panes are awash with renewed zest by the falling drops from heaven. some even seem to stand still as they steal a peek at us lit by lightning . i drift away to sleep knowing in the darkness i have seen colors indescribable in the blackness outside and felt things in the cold emptiness that complete me.
in your sleepy smile
in your wild racing heart,
in tears of rain,
in you
i KNOW
I AM.......
Friday, September 12, 2008
The poet's breath.....
when oft he ran away
his dreams at hand,
time slipping away,
painful grains of sand.
within her, his laughter was
without, his sadness.
of a lifeless blank
when he drew
one lov'd
in farther heavens he knew.
in the spring wind he held his heart.
a drop of dew, and those petals few..
and lay down.. looking at the early stars
beautiful but few...
a rose on grass it lay so still
until she came and held it close..
when it bloomed and touched her lip.
he'd been loved
and he slowly knew.......
[ if that didnt make any sense.. some imagination of my own should help]
walking along this long lonely loveless path of life, i had long watched the grains empty into the lower half of the hourglass. i knew my time had come and it might have been close.
walking amidst the thick and thin , the shadows and light of blistering days and bone cracklingly cold days . i came across a vast valley whose mounds ran even like a waves on a calm lake frozen in time. amidst the tallest i went to survey whitherto i had come.
a strange feeling of familiarity swept over me. I saw the red sun kiss his maiden earth in the dawn of a new day. the scene brought to me the bitter sweet partings of lovers. as the last few grains of sand slid away down the hourglass.
i knew.
i knew i had one more breath. giving it all my life, i picked up a dew drop in a few scattered petals and clutched them close to my heart. and laid down on the grass and let go.
as another warrior treads this enchanted eden , she sees a glint on the tallest mound. seeing there a rose lying so still, in its heart clutching a lonesome dew drop.
raising it to her cheek the dew drop shiver s and sears her cheek, strangely as a tear would.
the petals kiss her gently as a breeze warm & strange envelopes her for one last time and flies away.
just as someone was waiting to exhale.............]
----------------
Now playing: Jal - Kia Se Kia
via FoxyTunes
his dreams at hand,
time slipping away,
painful grains of sand.
within her, his laughter was
without, his sadness.
of a lifeless blank
when he drew
one lov'd
in farther heavens he knew.
in the spring wind he held his heart.
a drop of dew, and those petals few..
and lay down.. looking at the early stars
beautiful but few...
a rose on grass it lay so still
until she came and held it close..
when it bloomed and touched her lip.
he'd been loved
and he slowly knew.......
[ if that didnt make any sense.. some imagination of my own should help]
walking along this long lonely loveless path of life, i had long watched the grains empty into the lower half of the hourglass. i knew my time had come and it might have been close.
walking amidst the thick and thin , the shadows and light of blistering days and bone cracklingly cold days . i came across a vast valley whose mounds ran even like a waves on a calm lake frozen in time. amidst the tallest i went to survey whitherto i had come.
a strange feeling of familiarity swept over me. I saw the red sun kiss his maiden earth in the dawn of a new day. the scene brought to me the bitter sweet partings of lovers. as the last few grains of sand slid away down the hourglass.
i knew.
i knew i had one more breath. giving it all my life, i picked up a dew drop in a few scattered petals and clutched them close to my heart. and laid down on the grass and let go.
as another warrior treads this enchanted eden , she sees a glint on the tallest mound. seeing there a rose lying so still, in its heart clutching a lonesome dew drop.
raising it to her cheek the dew drop shiver s and sears her cheek, strangely as a tear would.
the petals kiss her gently as a breeze warm & strange envelopes her for one last time and flies away.
just as someone was waiting to exhale.............]
----------------
Now playing: Jal - Kia Se Kia
via FoxyTunes
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
" 300 " is not enough...
11/07/2008
madurai city escapes the horizon in a wake of hot afteroon dust. the ARAVIND van making its circumlocutous journey to what is - so close yet so far away (from home,bangalore) to Dharmapuri. being briefed briefly about what an eye camp involves; i had managed to hurriedly pack up my bag and camera.
There was the omnipresent shadow of our neuro ophthal chief, whose clinical acumen and speed was awe inspiring and terrifying to say the least.. these thoughts ran nodded off to sleep in the journey of what was to be my first ' CAMP '.
The supposedly dreary routine of sunday travel and losing a weekend was the fear induced in me by my peers who went on these camps. The omnipresent hazards of diarrhoea and bad stays with mosquitos and hot weather for company was a further deterrent.
this seemed to be the ultimate double whammy!!
" adversity is the opportunity of the able few!"
was the line that carried me through the rest of the day.
12\07\2007
a school is a word used to describe large groups of fish.
but what do u do when there is a school full of people waiting to be examined by just 5 doctors?
well i guessed u just eat 3 idlis and down a filter coffee and just get on with the job.
no observation nothing!! just straight CAMP...
much later in the day..i guess Sir wasnt joking or mocknig me when he said i had seen about 120-150 cases that day.. out of the total 903!!!!!!!!!!!
it might sound small.. but for a guy who can examine about 25-30 cases from 7am-5pm with an hours break, 150 was NEW!!!!
the travel was quite unremarkable though..
we reached what was a dream location in darkness.. a paper mill was conducting a camp the next day.. the guest house was a dream come true..cottages with lawns and a candle light dinner courtesy the Electric board..
my first camp was already Awesome..
the next day was a breeze most remarkable was that we all got notebooks for souvenirs.
no more stationery buying for 2more years..
life in aravind has become normal.
FOR ME.. for FOR NOW..
hopefully it ll stay this way..
madurai city escapes the horizon in a wake of hot afteroon dust. the ARAVIND van making its circumlocutous journey to what is - so close yet so far away (from home,bangalore) to Dharmapuri. being briefed briefly about what an eye camp involves; i had managed to hurriedly pack up my bag and camera.
There was the omnipresent shadow of our neuro ophthal chief, whose clinical acumen and speed was awe inspiring and terrifying to say the least.. these thoughts ran nodded off to sleep in the journey of what was to be my first ' CAMP '.
The supposedly dreary routine of sunday travel and losing a weekend was the fear induced in me by my peers who went on these camps. The omnipresent hazards of diarrhoea and bad stays with mosquitos and hot weather for company was a further deterrent.
this seemed to be the ultimate double whammy!!
" adversity is the opportunity of the able few!"
was the line that carried me through the rest of the day.
12\07\2007
a school is a word used to describe large groups of fish.
but what do u do when there is a school full of people waiting to be examined by just 5 doctors?
well i guessed u just eat 3 idlis and down a filter coffee and just get on with the job.
no observation nothing!! just straight CAMP...
much later in the day..i guess Sir wasnt joking or mocknig me when he said i had seen about 120-150 cases that day.. out of the total 903!!!!!!!!!!!
it might sound small.. but for a guy who can examine about 25-30 cases from 7am-5pm with an hours break, 150 was NEW!!!!
the travel was quite unremarkable though..
we reached what was a dream location in darkness.. a paper mill was conducting a camp the next day.. the guest house was a dream come true..cottages with lawns and a candle light dinner courtesy the Electric board..
my first camp was already Awesome..
the next day was a breeze most remarkable was that we all got notebooks for souvenirs.
no more stationery buying for 2more years..
life in aravind has become normal.
FOR ME.. for FOR NOW..
hopefully it ll stay this way..
Monday, June 9, 2008
The similar differences
A visitor at ones own home.
i went and came back yesterday
it felt weird being a guest in ones own home
but the question of how different the places were was a little out of context
they were actually similar
life is fast
hardworking music loving people
who love their water and heros
love their women and languages.
life moves at an equal if not congruent pace..
i have adapted quickly. in fact i had no need to resort to adaptability given the places' similarities.
life is fast and so is love..
of visual music and musical visuals life is a psychedelic blend..
and to sound cliched : I AM LOVIN IT.
TILL NEXT TIME HAVE FUN AND BE CRAZY
i went and came back yesterday
it felt weird being a guest in ones own home
but the question of how different the places were was a little out of context
they were actually similar
life is fast
hardworking music loving people
who love their water and heros
love their women and languages.
life moves at an equal if not congruent pace..
i have adapted quickly. in fact i had no need to resort to adaptability given the places' similarities.
life is fast and so is love..
of visual music and musical visuals life is a psychedelic blend..
and to sound cliched : I AM LOVIN IT.
TILL NEXT TIME HAVE FUN AND BE CRAZY
Sunday, May 18, 2008
In The land of the GODS
Well,
mom's cribbing is once over and begins all new again.
i M alone outside the house for the first time
i am a PG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
reading only one subject!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(finally)
listening to tamil songs.
connecting wirelessly to hospital networks
having pongal everyday for breakfast at 0715
speaking kannada with teachers in tamil nadu
speaking tamil for the first time in life
loving ophthalmology all over again
being tired but loving every bit of it
despised for knowing more than necessary and saying so
having fun in general
academic fun in particular
sitting in a library to beat the heat till 10 pm ( its ac man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
living in a hostel first time in life
what am i saying??
well ladies and gentlemen...
the quark has shifted to madurai
ARAVIND EYE HOSPITAL
THE HOLY GRAIL OF INDIAN OPHTHALMOLOGY
FINALLY AN EYE DOCTOR..
THREE CHEERS BUDDIES...
SEE YOU SOON..
HOPEFULLY......
----------------
Now playing: Munbe vaa
http://foxytunes.com/artist/-/track/munbe+vaa
mom's cribbing is once over and begins all new again.
i M alone outside the house for the first time
i am a PG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
reading only one subject!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(finally)
listening to tamil songs.
connecting wirelessly to hospital networks
having pongal everyday for breakfast at 0715
speaking kannada with teachers in tamil nadu
speaking tamil for the first time in life
loving ophthalmology all over again
being tired but loving every bit of it
despised for knowing more than necessary and saying so
having fun in general
academic fun in particular
sitting in a library to beat the heat till 10 pm ( its ac man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
living in a hostel first time in life
what am i saying??
well ladies and gentlemen...
the quark has shifted to madurai
ARAVIND EYE HOSPITAL
THE HOLY GRAIL OF INDIAN OPHTHALMOLOGY
FINALLY AN EYE DOCTOR..
THREE CHEERS BUDDIES...
SEE YOU SOON..
HOPEFULLY......
----------------
Now playing: Munbe vaa
http://foxytunes.com/artist/-/track/munbe+vaa
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Quark- an exclusive interview..
for all those who have been wondering what a quark is.
quark(1) /kwɔrk, kwɑrk/
–noun
Physics. any of the hypothetical particles with spin 1/2, baryon number 1/3, and electric charge 1/3 or −2/3 that, together with their antiparticles, are believed to constitute all the elementary particles classed as baryons and mesons; they are
distinguished by their flavors, designated as up (u), down (d), strange (s), charm
(c), bottom or beauty (b), and top or truth (t), and their colors, red, green, and
blue. Compare color (def. 18), flavor (def. 5), quantum chromodynamics, quark model.
now this defines Who quark is: ( at least i tried to)
the interview:
me-good morning quark, welcome to this interview.
quark-thank you. its nice being here, especially you interviewing me..
me-So, tell me how did you get to be The QUARK?
quark- i was searching for symbolically small things , that yet fit into the grand scheme of things.something which is at work and is a part of everything. the Quark fit the bill, since it is sub nuclear.
me-so whats new? in the life of quark?
quark-lots actually, at the moment. there is a budding photography idea,
there is a hopeful academic up gradation.
some amount of happiness and sadness, with a twist of unpredictability.
me- is it true you have been out twice, are you thinking of third time lucky? or once bitten twice shy? ..
quark-well you can say that. finding a person that suits me has to be either a mathematical gimmick or a thorough stroke of luck. its happened twice. the third time, if ever,i am not going to be the initiator.
me- can you clarify?
quark- ok, its just that i am used to being in control of my immediate world and its quirky ways.asking someone, puts me at the business end of a stick which is not at all comfortable, not to mention somewhat silly.being the subject of someone else's decision making process.
i mean it has been Mr.Bean moments for me, with all due respect.
i am not currently looking at an active third time unless, a purple faced redhead with the regular dose of feminine whimsicality, who's about 5ft6 inches tall and speaks French comes up and ask me out.
me- are you partial to redheads?
quark-no, i am partial to purple faces. i am a purple face too, with green feelers tucked behind my ears.
me-so where do u actually come from?
quark-mars, thats where i was last stationed. but homeland is in the outer reaches of the solar system, i am Uranian.
me- do you miss home?
quark-somewhat, i would say. though i must accept i was beginning to like it here.
me- ok now we begin the rapid fire round.
quark-nice.. shoot away
me-one thing u can do without
quark-pollution
me-one thing thats absolutely necessary
quark-life in general and wildlife in particular.
me-one thing that describes you in a phrase
quark-Quark is.
me-one thing you like here on earth
quark-cars, bikes,food, nice forests..
me- blue or pink?
quark-blue, electric,shimmery, metallic blue
me-one thing you'd love to take home, from here
quark- that will have to be either a wife or a tiger
me-one thing you'd like to give us from your home.
quark- the cooler temperatures.
me-one thing you hate about earthlings.
quark-they can destroy themselves and their surroundings in the name of development and sing "we didn't start the fire"
me-one thing you like about earthlings
quark-they are friendly and naive
me- men drive better or women?
quark- i dont generalise, but women seem to have accidents because they are unsure of what they are doing, and men, because they are too sure of themselves.
me-aircraft or trains?
quark- aircraft any day!!
me-cats or dogs?
quark-cats, most definitely
me-music or books?
quark-music AND books.
me-movies or theater?
quark- either, if its sensible or funny
me-life is..
quark-one's journey, a lesson to be learnt in each experience, both sad and happy ones, equally.
me-friends are..
quark-fulfilling relationships, and forever.
me-one place you would like to visit, and why?
quark-Alaska or 66'Degrees north. to see the northern lights.
me-one thing you d wanna do before you die?
quark- marry? just joking.. it would be to raise a tiger cub for a conservation project and successfully release him/her back.
me-one message to the readers.
quark-have fun.
me- one message for me.
quark- lose weight and get serious, no i am joking, get fit, and get proactive.
me-it was nice speaking to you
quark- same here.
me- i d like to do this again sometime..to see how things change over time.
quark- definitely, call me beforehand, so i can be more funny and give more bogus answers next time. ;)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
and till next time..
au revoir ..
quark(1) /kwɔrk, kwɑrk/
–noun
Physics. any of the hypothetical particles with spin 1/2, baryon number 1/3, and electric charge 1/3 or −2/3 that, together with their antiparticles, are believed to constitute all the elementary particles classed as baryons and mesons; they are
distinguished by their flavors, designated as up (u), down (d), strange (s), charm
(c), bottom or beauty (b), and top or truth (t), and their colors, red, green, and
blue. Compare color (def. 18), flavor (def. 5), quantum chromodynamics, quark model.
now this defines Who quark is: ( at least i tried to)
the interview:
me-good morning quark, welcome to this interview.
quark-thank you. its nice being here, especially you interviewing me..
me-So, tell me how did you get to be The QUARK?
quark- i was searching for symbolically small things , that yet fit into the grand scheme of things.something which is at work and is a part of everything. the Quark fit the bill, since it is sub nuclear.
me-so whats new? in the life of quark?
quark-lots actually, at the moment. there is a budding photography idea,
there is a hopeful academic up gradation.
some amount of happiness and sadness, with a twist of unpredictability.
me- is it true you have been out twice, are you thinking of third time lucky? or once bitten twice shy? ..
quark-well you can say that. finding a person that suits me has to be either a mathematical gimmick or a thorough stroke of luck. its happened twice. the third time, if ever,i am not going to be the initiator.
me- can you clarify?
quark- ok, its just that i am used to being in control of my immediate world and its quirky ways.asking someone, puts me at the business end of a stick which is not at all comfortable, not to mention somewhat silly.being the subject of someone else's decision making process.
i mean it has been Mr.Bean moments for me, with all due respect.
i am not currently looking at an active third time unless, a purple faced redhead with the regular dose of feminine whimsicality, who's about 5ft6 inches tall and speaks French comes up and ask me out.
me- are you partial to redheads?
quark-no, i am partial to purple faces. i am a purple face too, with green feelers tucked behind my ears.
me-so where do u actually come from?
quark-mars, thats where i was last stationed. but homeland is in the outer reaches of the solar system, i am Uranian.
me- do you miss home?
quark-somewhat, i would say. though i must accept i was beginning to like it here.
me- ok now we begin the rapid fire round.
quark-nice.. shoot away
me-one thing u can do without
quark-pollution
me-one thing thats absolutely necessary
quark-life in general and wildlife in particular.
me-one thing that describes you in a phrase
quark-Quark is.
me-one thing you like here on earth
quark-cars, bikes,food, nice forests..
me- blue or pink?
quark-blue, electric,shimmery, metallic blue
me-one thing you'd love to take home, from here
quark- that will have to be either a wife or a tiger
me-one thing you'd like to give us from your home.
quark- the cooler temperatures.
me-one thing you hate about earthlings.
quark-they can destroy themselves and their surroundings in the name of development and sing "we didn't start the fire"
me-one thing you like about earthlings
quark-they are friendly and naive
me- men drive better or women?
quark- i dont generalise, but women seem to have accidents because they are unsure of what they are doing, and men, because they are too sure of themselves.
me-aircraft or trains?
quark- aircraft any day!!
me-cats or dogs?
quark-cats, most definitely
me-music or books?
quark-music AND books.
me-movies or theater?
quark- either, if its sensible or funny
me-life is..
quark-one's journey, a lesson to be learnt in each experience, both sad and happy ones, equally.
me-friends are..
quark-fulfilling relationships, and forever.
me-one place you would like to visit, and why?
quark-Alaska or 66'Degrees north. to see the northern lights.
me-one thing you d wanna do before you die?
quark- marry? just joking.. it would be to raise a tiger cub for a conservation project and successfully release him/her back.
me-one message to the readers.
quark-have fun.
me- one message for me.
quark- lose weight and get serious, no i am joking, get fit, and get proactive.
me-it was nice speaking to you
quark- same here.
me- i d like to do this again sometime..to see how things change over time.
quark- definitely, call me beforehand, so i can be more funny and give more bogus answers next time. ;)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
and till next time..
au revoir ..
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
The eye of the storm is a silent bliss....
words are a desecration.
feelings are incomplete in expression ..
and
shankara said : " there is an ocean. with waves and with out "
i say : " I like "
.. as this journey brings me to the threshold of a new dimension. i have many of you to thank. as one sees himself in a mirror and questions as to the reality of cause and effect. the futility of it all brings it down crashing.. just like a wave that ceases to exist after reaching the shore. in the same manner..
this ocean has too come to a state where the waves are no more without. but with in and each with a purpose and direction. as this mind seamlessly finds a comfort.
i dedicate this to guruprasad.
friend, guide, philosopher, advaitist and a fellow traveller.
true to his name he is in more ways than one.
guruprasad
[ guru=teacher, prasad= blessing]
for furthur explanation, read a work called the soundarya lahari by
Shri Aadi Shankaracharya
[ please note that this in no way is indicative of any suicidal tendency. also note, i am in full control of my faculties and have no reason to resort to/ consume any substance which may alter my perception/reaction]
feelings are incomplete in expression ..
and
shankara said : " there is an ocean. with waves and with out "
i say : " I like "
.. as this journey brings me to the threshold of a new dimension. i have many of you to thank. as one sees himself in a mirror and questions as to the reality of cause and effect. the futility of it all brings it down crashing.. just like a wave that ceases to exist after reaching the shore. in the same manner..
this ocean has too come to a state where the waves are no more without. but with in and each with a purpose and direction. as this mind seamlessly finds a comfort.
i dedicate this to guruprasad.
friend, guide, philosopher, advaitist and a fellow traveller.
true to his name he is in more ways than one.
guruprasad
[ guru=teacher, prasad= blessing]
for furthur explanation, read a work called the soundarya lahari by
Shri Aadi Shankaracharya
[ please note that this in no way is indicative of any suicidal tendency. also note, i am in full control of my faculties and have no reason to resort to/ consume any substance which may alter my perception/reaction]
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Why is NO so hard to say?
i think i should drink.
i think i should buy some car and ram it into a wall at 254mph
i think i should volunteer to fly to mars.
i think i should quit liking people
i think i should buy that katana afterall .
i think i should sell all belongings.
i think i should be nonchalant
i think i should be disconnected
i think i should be hoplessly rude and impolite
i think i should flee to the himalayas and spank every litterer.
i think i should visit Lhasa
i think i should stop writing.
i think i should stop speakin so much.
i think i should become more normal.
i think i should dye my hair electric blue.
i think i should become a warrior monk.
i think i should give up dreaming
i think i should give up music
i think i should learn to scuba dive
i think i should leave home.
i think i should make my own guitar
i think i should write my story in one page
i think i should kick ALL love song writers
i think i should learn being insane
i think i should quit being nice.
i think i should denounce family.
i think i should bunjee jump/basejump/sky dive
i think i should enlist
i think i should sell all my pens
i think i should stop being such a sensitive moron
i think i should be more materialistic
i think i should visit kishore kumars grave
i think i should visit jim corbett national park
i think i should see the northern lights
i think i should shave my mustache
i think i should learn japanese
i think i should go to antartica
i think i should teach in some primary school
i think i should have some fun
i think i should meet god
i think i should not be writing this list
i think i should be more careful
i think i should rip my heart out and throw it away
i think i should use more of brain
i think i should buy orange shorts and green shirts
i think i should be more dumb
i think i should be more car crazy
i think i should take life more seriously
i think i should help blind people
i think i should be like other guys
i think i should care less
i think i should be dead soon
i think i should not be crying in my espresso ( i DONT drink)
i think i should learn to forget and forgive
i think i should be less subtle
i think i should buy myself a fender stratocaster
i think i should be a snob
i think i should quit
i think i should not quit
i think i should stop now
i think i should not stop now
i think i am feeling empty
----------------
i think i should buy some car and ram it into a wall at 254mph
i think i should volunteer to fly to mars.
i think i should quit liking people
i think i should buy that katana afterall .
i think i should sell all belongings.
i think i should be nonchalant
i think i should be disconnected
i think i should be hoplessly rude and impolite
i think i should flee to the himalayas and spank every litterer.
i think i should visit Lhasa
i think i should stop writing.
i think i should stop speakin so much.
i think i should become more normal.
i think i should dye my hair electric blue.
i think i should become a warrior monk.
i think i should give up dreaming
i think i should give up music
i think i should learn to scuba dive
i think i should leave home.
i think i should make my own guitar
i think i should write my story in one page
i think i should kick ALL love song writers
i think i should learn being insane
i think i should quit being nice.
i think i should denounce family.
i think i should bunjee jump/basejump/sky dive
i think i should enlist
i think i should sell all my pens
i think i should stop being such a sensitive moron
i think i should be more materialistic
i think i should visit kishore kumars grave
i think i should visit jim corbett national park
i think i should see the northern lights
i think i should shave my mustache
i think i should learn japanese
i think i should go to antartica
i think i should teach in some primary school
i think i should have some fun
i think i should meet god
i think i should not be writing this list
i think i should be more careful
i think i should rip my heart out and throw it away
i think i should use more of brain
i think i should buy orange shorts and green shirts
i think i should be more dumb
i think i should be more car crazy
i think i should take life more seriously
i think i should help blind people
i think i should be like other guys
i think i should care less
i think i should be dead soon
i think i should not be crying in my espresso ( i DONT drink)
i think i should learn to forget and forgive
i think i should be less subtle
i think i should buy myself a fender stratocaster
i think i should be a snob
i think i should quit
i think i should not quit
i think i should stop now
i think i should not stop now
i think i am feeling empty
----------------
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
For someone special....
It has been a time since I have been wrestling with myself in that familiar old battle. To Say or not To..
However these words never cease to flow. For her, For myself and now for US. Hopefully all will be well soon..
It is Springtime and I see in myself an engulfing darkness. As my being plummets into the depths, I grapple helplessly between slow pragmatism and an urgent whim. It is an oft repeated theme in my life; that, I find myself being hemmed in on all sides by a set of sudden circumstances..
As these melancholy thoughts surround me , the last whiffs of jasmine float by me from my cooling tea. In the glass I see a lonely jasmine afloat in a golden pool, a lonely hope; beautiful although in a sea of indeterminate beauty..
Its been my only solace for the last few days .
As the moon tiptoes across my window to avoid incurring my wrath. Today, I am not angry, for he's a shy fringe, a sliver of hope and cold friendly light , a window open to both of us and in him in trust this message :
for her..
who IS..
sleep my dear, sleep
let not worries crease your brow
my heartbeats, the summer song,
to ease your hearts sorrow.
sleep my dear sleep,
for the moon shines in vain,
tonight
my love, shant see him
waxing eloquent,in lovely pain,
sleep my dear sleep
in my hearts hollow
shall come again on the morrow,
weekend of bright bliss and childish light,
not the adult's Grey pain and hopeless blight.....
However these words never cease to flow. For her, For myself and now for US. Hopefully all will be well soon..
It is Springtime and I see in myself an engulfing darkness. As my being plummets into the depths, I grapple helplessly between slow pragmatism and an urgent whim. It is an oft repeated theme in my life; that, I find myself being hemmed in on all sides by a set of sudden circumstances..
As these melancholy thoughts surround me , the last whiffs of jasmine float by me from my cooling tea. In the glass I see a lonely jasmine afloat in a golden pool, a lonely hope; beautiful although in a sea of indeterminate beauty..
Its been my only solace for the last few days .
As the moon tiptoes across my window to avoid incurring my wrath. Today, I am not angry, for he's a shy fringe, a sliver of hope and cold friendly light , a window open to both of us and in him in trust this message :
for her..
who IS..
sleep my dear, sleep
let not worries crease your brow
my heartbeats, the summer song,
to ease your hearts sorrow.
sleep my dear sleep,
for the moon shines in vain,
tonight
my love, shant see him
waxing eloquent,in lovely pain,
sleep my dear sleep
in my hearts hollow
shall come again on the morrow,
weekend of bright bliss and childish light,
not the adult's Grey pain and hopeless blight.....
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Fighting isnt easy nor Intended..
All hope and confidence is at, what i'd like to term as the lowest 'That Has Been seen'.
With 2 battles of this war over, each time outdone by a swift and deft enemy, one kneels...
in fatigue
in despair
and in atrocious anger towards oneslef...
The blood streaming down the face quenching the thirsty sand below.
In front of me is a familiar frail man. Pale and gaunt. Adorned in hideous black rags outdoing the ravens that cringe around him.
He's hopping mad today. Angry. "Am i to bear a coward??? a loser?!!! not even in your wildest nightmares!! go win me some battles, decorated men are easy, more honor than a burden to bear. "
forsaken by death
forsaken by time,
In this twilight, this melancholy silence and darkness that envelopes me.
I have a faint feeling this madman has a hidden agenda to bear me away half smiling in my moment of victory, depriving me of the sweet succor of revenge. Probably my saving grace from stooping too low in battle.
Being human, one ages easily, tires too soon and grows weary of the humdrum conundrum of the world's meaningless ways.
My sword notched lies on my elbow as I address her.
For, today she has been my boon and my bane. Wrought heavy and keen, to cleave in half any foe that might fall her way. Yet much of a burden to wield, when I'm fatigued,overwhelmed or weary in battle.
It is not in my lot or power to blame her; for she's never failed me.
I have..
This strange acceptance of a transient truth makes me wonder..
when it might be?
when it might be?!,
as we flow as one,
in rivers of blood;
among mounds of foe dead..
when it might be?
when shall she rest,
her heart close to mine
never beating
cold,laid in final rest.
when it might be?
for one last time
we stride together
me, my sword,into battle.
victorious.
when shall it finally be?
when in mine power
cold steel, she ceases to be?
my flower ,
borne of hearts passion....
----------------
Now playing: Yoshikazu Takayama - Senran
With 2 battles of this war over, each time outdone by a swift and deft enemy, one kneels...
in fatigue
in despair
and in atrocious anger towards oneslef...
The blood streaming down the face quenching the thirsty sand below.
In front of me is a familiar frail man. Pale and gaunt. Adorned in hideous black rags outdoing the ravens that cringe around him.
He's hopping mad today. Angry. "Am i to bear a coward??? a loser?!!! not even in your wildest nightmares!! go win me some battles, decorated men are easy, more honor than a burden to bear. "
forsaken by death
forsaken by time,
In this twilight, this melancholy silence and darkness that envelopes me.
I have a faint feeling this madman has a hidden agenda to bear me away half smiling in my moment of victory, depriving me of the sweet succor of revenge. Probably my saving grace from stooping too low in battle.
Being human, one ages easily, tires too soon and grows weary of the humdrum conundrum of the world's meaningless ways.
My sword notched lies on my elbow as I address her.
For, today she has been my boon and my bane. Wrought heavy and keen, to cleave in half any foe that might fall her way. Yet much of a burden to wield, when I'm fatigued,overwhelmed or weary in battle.
It is not in my lot or power to blame her; for she's never failed me.
I have..
This strange acceptance of a transient truth makes me wonder..
when it might be?
when it might be?!,
as we flow as one,
in rivers of blood;
among mounds of foe dead..
when it might be?
when shall she rest,
her heart close to mine
never beating
cold,laid in final rest.
when it might be?
for one last time
we stride together
me, my sword,into battle.
victorious.
when shall it finally be?
when in mine power
cold steel, she ceases to be?
my flower ,
borne of hearts passion....
----------------
Now playing: Yoshikazu Takayama - Senran
Monday, January 7, 2008
Taking time off is easy, taking the mind off is tough...
So the barrage of exams are here to hit me.
Taking time off from them is easy, but taking the mind off them is both futile and suicidal to one's future.
I should be back by springtime.
----------------
Now playing: ASHTALAKSHMI STOTRAM
http://foxytunes.com/artist/-/track/ashtalakshmi+stotram
Taking time off from them is easy, but taking the mind off them is both futile and suicidal to one's future.
I should be back by springtime.
----------------
Now playing: ASHTALAKSHMI STOTRAM
http://foxytunes.com/artist/-/track/ashtalakshmi+stotram
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Safari guides in India - Kaziranga featuring Jomoni Ali
This is my second feature in the Wildlife guides series. Jomoni ali in his favourite place. [l-r : me, Jomoni ali] Jomoni Ali is an unassum...
-
I have been travelling seeking new experiences and places. There are many people behind the scenes who make it happen. Safari guides are cru... -
This is my second feature in the Wildlife guides series. Jomoni ali in his favourite place. [l-r : me, Jomoni ali] Jomoni Ali is an unassum...