For someone special....

It has been a time since I have been wrestling with myself in that familiar old battle. To Say or not To..
However these words never cease to flow. For her, For myself and now for US. Hopefully all will be well soon..

It is Springtime and I see in myself an engulfing darkness. As my being plummets into the depths, I grapple helplessly between slow pragmatism and an urgent whim. It is an oft repeated theme in my life; that, I find myself being hemmed in on all sides by a set of sudden circumstances..

As these melancholy thoughts surround me , the last whiffs of jasmine float by me from my cooling tea. In the glass I see a lonely jasmine afloat in a golden pool, a lonely hope; beautiful although in a sea of indeterminate beauty..

Its been my only solace for the last few days .

As the moon tiptoes across my window to avoid incurring my wrath. Today, I am not angry, for he's a shy fringe, a sliver of hope and cold friendly light , a window open to both of us and in him in trust this message :

for her..

who IS..

sleep my dear, sleep
let not worries crease your brow
my heartbeats, the summer song,
to ease your hearts sorrow.

sleep my dear sleep,
for the moon shines in vain,
tonight
my love, shant see him
waxing eloquent,in lovely pain,

sleep my dear sleep
in my hearts hollow
shall come again on the morrow,
weekend of bright bliss and childish light,
not the adult's Grey pain and hopeless blight.....

when winter comes to the heart

It is winter. A Cold, sand papery wind blows against one's face, the sun is a brilliant coin stuck on the bright blue clear sky.

The place is stripped off all colour,burdened by gray leafless skeletons and a dusty unbeckoning road.

As one walks through these roads of a memory far too old.
The heart craves for the footfall of the One. A nook here, a corner there, where we stole a few moments from the din those days were. A tear bleaches hot on a withered skin.

Wait!!!!!!!!!!!!

What was that? A footfall? wishful thinking maybe.

Again?! its too real to be a hallucination. running helter-skelter in the ruins, seeing glimpses of a dark garment flitting around the edge of one's eye. One is hauntingly drawn, seduced maybe for that one last glimpse of HER.

Coming in to a blind alley to find a dusty old rag and nothing else, a despair creeps into one's mind to encompass it like the shadow of fangorn.

Slowly, in despair as one turns back to return, the sight so unbearably true.

Its her.

After the initial surprise clears, one notices her flowing clean robe of black, it used to be blue.
Those eyes look clear. Too clear in fact: calm and restless,
not at all like her: fiesty fiery and with abundant commotion.

As she spreads her arm beckoning one, a sense of darkness envelopes the mind. A silent scream of something forbidding. As we draw closer and finally into each others arms the darkness grows,Like unwilling eyes closing. Everything grows silent. But im alive, the only thing i hear is my heartbeat, throbbing evidence of a clinging life inside me.

In a sense of completeness, I smile.
Lucky, I think, to be dying in her arms.
and let go.....


A point of light appears from a distance, growing closer, Its is a raging tornado engulfing me in its inferno, it hardly singes me, it makes me alive. I feel the flames leaping off me like solar flares.

As i open my eyes, they meet hers. brown and wet. Real.

**********************

I had gone out to see the northern lights when I was caught in a blizzard. I almost died of hypothermia while I was brought to the hospital. But something brought me back. yes .

why did she look like death? she completes me in every way.
The way death completes life.

**********************

Still looking for her

MY SPRING...
MY FLAME...